Day 7: The thing you're most afraid of

This one will be a post on it's own. I realize I'm actually on day 8, but thought this one deserved its own post. I'm going to get serious for a moment. Some things in life deserve to be talked about seriously and frankly. The one thing I was most afraid of (and didn't realize it was even a fear until it smacked me in the face) was not being able to be a mom.

I had gone through life always knowing that I wanted children. It was never a question of if but when. I watched numerous people have the joy of becoming a parent...my brother, my sister, my friends. I got married and we started talking about when would be a good time to have a baby. In the meantime, I'd seen a few friends struggle with infertility, never contemplating it would happen to me. After all, no one in my family had any problems. My dad swore that he looked at my mom cross-eyed and she got pregnant. How could I possibly have any issues?

Well, Life likes to throw you curve balls (more like a cannon ball straight to the gut). When I realized it was not going to be easy to get pregnant, I went into a state of shock. How could this be my life? How do you completely change your entire idea of what your life was going to be like? Not easily, let me tell you. My friends and family know that I struggled. It was hard to see friends getting pregnant; it was hard to be happy for people when all you want is to feel the same happiness. It was hard to muster the joy required at yet another baby shower that is not in your honor. (Those of you that have gone through this, know exactly what I mean!) However, life must go on. Thanks to the best husband a girl could ask for, we decided that if we were not blessed with children, we would move on and still be happy with our new idea of what makes up a family.

Needless to say, I now have my blessing who is peacefully sleeping upstairs, and I thank God every day for him. I still have friends who are struggling to conceive and I know that fear. That fear you feel in the pit of your stomach that your life will always be missing something. The women who have experienced this fear or are living with it daily, I commend you.